El Mexicana recently opened its first branch in Oxford’s Gloucester Green. Having previously only known of them as a service station outlet, I was intrigued to see what a restaurant location could offer to the hungry masses of Oxford.

It’s well known and documented that Mission Burrito is far and away the best Mexican food supplier in our city. That’s not to say it’s amazing but it is the closest thing we have to an authentic Mission district foodstuff. So, would El Mexicana steal the crown from Mission? Only one way to find out – lucha libre! Deciding that wearing a mask was possibly going a step too far, I ventured out one lunchtime.

The restaurant itself is pretty tasteful, stripped wood, bright colours and the requisite Mexican themed gubbins. A big board greets you with details of various special offers and a chilled drink cabinet offers you the standard array of bottled drinks.

Then there’s a long counter with all the options for you to select. I went for two tacos – it was lunchtime and I didn’t want to be a piggy, one with shredded carnitas which is slow cooked shredded pork with orange zest, and one beef with chipotle. I declined the rice (one of the main causes of food poisoning in the restaurant trade) and the beans. I’m not a bean fan anyway, but the black beans were floating and the refried beans never look appetising. These refried beans actually made my stomach roil and I came very close to turning round and walking out but a review can’t be written without eating the food. These beans looked like something my dog would produce after Sunday lunch leftovers. And there was an audible squelch as the serving spoon splodged it’s way in. Ugh.

My tacos were warmed on the grill before being dolloped with meat. I then had to choose my toppings, going for cheese, pico de gallo, sour cream and chipotle sauce.

Purely to give the menu a thorough going over, I also ordered churros with dulce de leche dip and a diet coke. This is pretty much where the staff lost it.

Two staff members, neither possessing a good grasp of the English language were serving that day. There was an awful lot of pointing taking place from the customers which was fine when you can point to metal boxes. But go off menu and the system just broke down completely. My server didn’t know what churros were and ran back and forth to the kitchen to establish what it was I was requesting, how to enter it on the till, which dips were available, how to operate the drinks fountain (I got bottled in the end to save her) and finally offered to bring the churros over to my table.

By this point, the tacos were cold. And flavourless but I don’t think the temperature contributed to that. There was no difference in texture between the beef and the pork, no hint of chipotle or orange despite getting my nose right in there. The pico was bland and watery, chipotle gutless.

My churros arrived and they were fine. Dip was good.

Mission have nothing to worry about for now, El Mexicana will linger purely for cash strapped students, those with blunted taste buds and those about to get on a coach. The rest of us should avoid, which is exactly the advice I was given by a fellow Twitterer on hearing I was going there. I’m sorry I didn’t heed your advice.